Mustard

“Use the mustard.”

“Mustard?”

“Yes, mustard.”

“What do you mean, mustard?”

“I hired you to paint the walls. They’re dirty. I won’t have it.”

“Yes, but you don’t have any paint. We need to go to the store.”

“But we have mustard. Look, there’s at least three jars. Use the mustard.”

“Use the mustard, to paint the walls.”

“Yes, that’s it!”

“It’s mustard.”

“So? The walls are dirty and need to be painted.”

“It’s mustard. It won’t work.”

“Why not?”

“It’s mustard. It’s a condiment. It won’t stick to the walls. And there’s only three jars. And it’s a hideous colour and besides why are we even talking about this? I’m a painter. You hired me to paint your walls, not smear mustard on them.”

“But the walls need to be painted.”

“Yes! And to do that, I have to go to the store, and get paint, and bring the paint back here, and then I can paint the walls. That’s what paint is for, that’s how painting a wall works. That’s literally what you hired me to do.”

“Okay. Look. As I see it, there’s only two options here: either we wait for you to go to the store and buy paint, or, we can use the mustard. And we don’t have time to wait for you to go to the store. Listen, if you won’t paint the walls like I hired you to do, I’ll bring in this hot dog vendor I found on the sidewalk and get him to do it.”

“He’s smearing ketchup on the floor.”

“Yes, but it’s better than doing nothing.”